Alice gooses my arm.

Alice gooses my arm.

Like you never wonder.

Only in your dreams.

I look Alice in the eye. Is me wanting to kiss girls actually a problem?

She pinches me again. It’s your life. I don’t get it, but I accept it.

…how are you trying to ‘accept’ it?

Alice sighs. I follow her gaze: two white-winged doves land on the far edge, take off again south. It’s like, when I see a boy, I know if I want to kiss him, or not. It’s part of a… web. A web of the way things are. But since you… decided—

My decision was to not keep lying to you. The water under our feet looks so deep, so motionless, like it’s holding still just for me. That, and because there was no point anymore. I start to well up.

Look—

You think I want to wake up in the morning holding something in my stomach I can’t tell my family? Something I can’t tell anyone? That’s the way things are.

Christ. She sits up and takes my hand. Look—

Why are you looking over my shoulder? Is someone coming?

No one’s coming. Alice takes a deep breath and faces me, right in the eye. You’re my sister. If I didn’t have you I’d be more lost than I have words for.

Don’t you want adventure? Why isn’t this an adventure?

Well, because it’s not natural.

Excuse me? I’m natural.

Not natural, I mean… Alice winces. I don’t have the words. It’s not in God’s plan… or something.

When’d you start caring about God’s plan? God, you’re lucky you’re my sister.

Forget God. I can’t explain it. I feel like there’s this thing, this huge part of you I can’t understand, because I can’t do it with you.

I’m not asking you to do it. A small bubble pops in the middle of the Reservoir. I wonder if the great Alice Gavelston… are you jealous that this is an adventure you can’t go on?

I’m not jealous. I just… feel far from you. Like we’re standing in the same room, at different times. We used to be in sync, and then we got off by a minute. Does that make sense?

Maybe it’s more like when you look the room is all green carpet and silver utensils, and for me it’s red and brass.

I don’t know if this will ever make sense.

It doesn’t have to make sense. You just have to keep being my sister. Love me and accept me, and that’s that.

We both cry for a bit, and the wind starts blowing night in. I wipe my face. She’s looking at the sunset and I goose her arm.

I love you.

I love you, too.

The sun falls under the trees, and the wind starts to blow in the night.

Added: May 17, 2014 | Last changed: January 25, 2015